Dear Quentin,<\/strong><\/h6>\nMy husband is the youngest of four siblings who all live in the same state with their parents \u2014 far from where we live. All of his siblings and his parents are wealthy. We are in our early 30\u2019s and still renting our place and paying off debt, student loans etc.<\/p>\n
\nWhenever there is a family vacation or a big party for a family member where his family lives, my husband\u2019s siblings or parents generously offer to cover our travel costs so we can also attend, and never ask for us to pay them back.<\/p>\n
We have accepted their offer a few times over the years, but I wonder should we stop? How much is too much? Should we offer to pay it back? Is sending a thank you card afterwards too much? Any advice is welcome.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The Less-Wealthy Relatives<\/p>\n
Dear LWR,<\/strong><\/h6>\nYou are part of the family, and they want you to be part of their memories. I can\u2019t think of any gift that could be more valuable. Sometimes, in-laws help their kids with a down payment on a house, which can cause complications<\/a> if the parents feel they deserve to have a say over what happens to the house.\u00a0<\/p>\nGifts can, of course, cause complications. A man wrote last year to say a gift from his father was causing a family feud<\/a>. His dad offered his three kids equal monetary gifts. Two siblings took cash, while the letter writer took shares. The stock soared in value \u2014 and the other siblings cried foul. But it was their choice to take cash.<\/p>\nBut these gift are different. They a warm embrace disguised as an airplane ticket. There is no quid pro quo required, and no unwanted interference in how you run your lives. The only thing you have to do is say, \u201cThank you,\u201d offer to help out while you are there, and send a card or gift when you go home.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\n\n \u201c<\/span>\u2018These gifts are a warm embrace disguised as an airplane ticket.\u2019 \u201d<\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\nA \u201cthank you\u201d gift does not have to be expensive. It can be something thoughtful, and simple. Here\u2019s an example: I recently entertained house guests for four nights, and honestly I would have loved for them to stay for four more nights. They were delightful company, and we created a lot of fun memories.<\/p>\n
I was sad to see them go, but they noticed something before they left: a wonky coffee machine. \u201cOh, yes,\u201d I said, \u201cit leaks!\u201d It would have leaked for another five years, except that a couple of days later a new coffee machine landed on my doorstep. That\u2019s the kind of thoughtfulness that never fails to bowl me over.<\/p>\n
There will come a time when you have enough money to take these trips on your own dime, and you will be grateful for all the memories and time you have spent together. You can then treat them in some other way. Your in-laws won\u2019t be around forever, and the children in the family will grow up sooner than anyone expects.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It\u2019s never too much to send a \u201cthank you\u201d card. In the era of texting, it means a lot to actually write a card, put a stamp on it, and go to the post office. Call me old-fashioned, but there\u2019s something special about opening up an envelope to find a card with a nice message that you can put on your mantelpiece.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Accept these gifts as acts of love. <\/p>\n
Happy New Year!<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t miss:\u00a0<\/strong>\u2018I\u2019m left with a $100 B\u00fbche de No\u00ebl for 10 people \u2014 and no place to go\u2019: My friends canceled Christmas dinner. Should I end the 30-year friendship?<\/a><\/p>\nFollow Quentin Fottrell on\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>Twitter<\/em><\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\nYou can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nCheck out\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>the Moneyist private Facebook<\/em><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0group, where we look for answers to life\u2019s thorniest money issues. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nThe Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nMore from Quentin Fottrell<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\u2018We can practically finish each other\u2019s sentences\u2019: I\u2019m getting married in 2023. I want a prenup. She wants to merge our finances. What\u2019s my next move?<\/a><\/p>\n
Whenever there is a family vacation or a big party for a family member where his family lives, my husband\u2019s siblings or parents generously offer to cover our travel costs so we can also attend, and never ask for us to pay them back.<\/p>\n
We have accepted their offer a few times over the years, but I wonder should we stop? How much is too much? Should we offer to pay it back? Is sending a thank you card afterwards too much? Any advice is welcome.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The Less-Wealthy Relatives<\/p>\n
Dear LWR,<\/strong><\/h6>\nYou are part of the family, and they want you to be part of their memories. I can\u2019t think of any gift that could be more valuable. Sometimes, in-laws help their kids with a down payment on a house, which can cause complications<\/a> if the parents feel they deserve to have a say over what happens to the house.\u00a0<\/p>\nGifts can, of course, cause complications. A man wrote last year to say a gift from his father was causing a family feud<\/a>. His dad offered his three kids equal monetary gifts. Two siblings took cash, while the letter writer took shares. The stock soared in value \u2014 and the other siblings cried foul. But it was their choice to take cash.<\/p>\nBut these gift are different. They a warm embrace disguised as an airplane ticket. There is no quid pro quo required, and no unwanted interference in how you run your lives. The only thing you have to do is say, \u201cThank you,\u201d offer to help out while you are there, and send a card or gift when you go home.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n\n\n \u201c<\/span>\u2018These gifts are a warm embrace disguised as an airplane ticket.\u2019 \u201d<\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\nA \u201cthank you\u201d gift does not have to be expensive. It can be something thoughtful, and simple. Here\u2019s an example: I recently entertained house guests for four nights, and honestly I would have loved for them to stay for four more nights. They were delightful company, and we created a lot of fun memories.<\/p>\n
I was sad to see them go, but they noticed something before they left: a wonky coffee machine. \u201cOh, yes,\u201d I said, \u201cit leaks!\u201d It would have leaked for another five years, except that a couple of days later a new coffee machine landed on my doorstep. That\u2019s the kind of thoughtfulness that never fails to bowl me over.<\/p>\n
There will come a time when you have enough money to take these trips on your own dime, and you will be grateful for all the memories and time you have spent together. You can then treat them in some other way. Your in-laws won\u2019t be around forever, and the children in the family will grow up sooner than anyone expects.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It\u2019s never too much to send a \u201cthank you\u201d card. In the era of texting, it means a lot to actually write a card, put a stamp on it, and go to the post office. Call me old-fashioned, but there\u2019s something special about opening up an envelope to find a card with a nice message that you can put on your mantelpiece.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Accept these gifts as acts of love. <\/p>\n
Happy New Year!<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t miss:\u00a0<\/strong>\u2018I\u2019m left with a $100 B\u00fbche de No\u00ebl for 10 people \u2014 and no place to go\u2019: My friends canceled Christmas dinner. Should I end the 30-year friendship?<\/a><\/p>\nFollow Quentin Fottrell on\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>Twitter<\/em><\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\nYou can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nCheck out\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>the Moneyist private Facebook<\/em><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0group, where we look for answers to life\u2019s thorniest money issues. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nThe Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nMore from Quentin Fottrell<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\u2018We can practically finish each other\u2019s sentences\u2019: I\u2019m getting married in 2023. I want a prenup. She wants to merge our finances. What\u2019s my next move?<\/a><\/p>\n
Gifts can, of course, cause complications. A man wrote last year to say a gift from his father was causing a family feud<\/a>. His dad offered his three kids equal monetary gifts. Two siblings took cash, while the letter writer took shares. The stock soared in value \u2014 and the other siblings cried foul. But it was their choice to take cash.<\/p>\n But these gift are different. They a warm embrace disguised as an airplane ticket. There is no quid pro quo required, and no unwanted interference in how you run your lives. The only thing you have to do is say, \u201cThank you,\u201d offer to help out while you are there, and send a card or gift when you go home.\u00a0<\/p>\n \n \u201c<\/span>\u2018These gifts are a warm embrace disguised as an airplane ticket.\u2019 \u201d<\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n A \u201cthank you\u201d gift does not have to be expensive. It can be something thoughtful, and simple. Here\u2019s an example: I recently entertained house guests for four nights, and honestly I would have loved for them to stay for four more nights. They were delightful company, and we created a lot of fun memories.<\/p>\n I was sad to see them go, but they noticed something before they left: a wonky coffee machine. \u201cOh, yes,\u201d I said, \u201cit leaks!\u201d It would have leaked for another five years, except that a couple of days later a new coffee machine landed on my doorstep. That\u2019s the kind of thoughtfulness that never fails to bowl me over.<\/p>\n There will come a time when you have enough money to take these trips on your own dime, and you will be grateful for all the memories and time you have spent together. You can then treat them in some other way. Your in-laws won\u2019t be around forever, and the children in the family will grow up sooner than anyone expects.\u00a0<\/p>\n It\u2019s never too much to send a \u201cthank you\u201d card. In the era of texting, it means a lot to actually write a card, put a stamp on it, and go to the post office. Call me old-fashioned, but there\u2019s something special about opening up an envelope to find a card with a nice message that you can put on your mantelpiece.\u00a0<\/p>\n Accept these gifts as acts of love. <\/p>\n Happy New Year!<\/p>\n Don\u2019t miss:\u00a0<\/strong>\u2018I\u2019m left with a $100 B\u00fbche de No\u00ebl for 10 people \u2014 and no place to go\u2019: My friends canceled Christmas dinner. Should I end the 30-year friendship?<\/a><\/p>\n Follow Quentin Fottrell on\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>Twitter<\/em><\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Check out\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>the Moneyist private Facebook<\/em><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0group, where we look for answers to life\u2019s thorniest money issues. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n More from Quentin Fottrell<\/strong>:<\/p>\n \u2018We can practically finish each other\u2019s sentences\u2019: I\u2019m getting married in 2023. I want a prenup. She wants to merge our finances. What\u2019s my next move?<\/a><\/p>\n