\n
Comment on this story<\/title><path d=\"M14 14V2H2v9.47h8.18L12.43 13ZM3 10.52V3h10v9.23l-2.5-1.66Z\"\/><\/svg><\/button><\/p>\n<p>Comment<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"teaser-content grid-center\">\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\"><i>Michelle Singletary is taking time off for the holiday. In her absence, we are offering this updated column from her archive, which originally ran on Nov. 26, 2019.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">When you\u2019re in debt, the responsible thing to do is to ignore the pressure to give. Suppress, as best you can, the misguided guilt that love comes wrapped in a pretty box with a red bow.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Of course, that\u2019s easier said than done, right?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">You\u2019ve been indoctrinated to give until it hurts, even if it means putting off paying down debt.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">This was the predicament facing a Virginia couple whose situation may be relatable to anyone who is deeply in debt and also struggling with how to pull back on their giving.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">\u201cI have two young kids and will need to at least get them a few presents under the tree,\u201d wrote the wife. \u201cMy husband and I have $62,000 of credit card debt. We are working with a debt-management service to wipe it out in three years. It\u2019s tough, I\u2019m not going to lie, but I\u2019m worried over what to tell people about not reciprocating gifts. Any advice?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Before answering, I needed some background. How old are the children? How do you end up with so much credit card debt?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p><span class=\"font--article-body font-copy hide-for-print ma-0 pb-md db italic interstitial\"><a data-qa=\"interstitial-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/business\/2022\/10\/17\/credit-card-debt-interest-rates\/?itid=lk_interstitial_manual_12\">More debt, higher fees: Credit card borrowers face mounting burdens<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Much of the debt was accumulated after the wife lost her job during the Great Recession. It took her a year and a half to find a new one. Almost everything went on credit \u2014 rent, utilities, groceries, she said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">There were wedding expenses, followed by child-care costs for their two kids.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">\u201cThen, it was more living expenses, bad choices, impulse buys and retail therapy,\u201d she said. \u201cI tried to consolidate my debt into one credit card with a lower interest rate, but the fine print, which I only read later, said that it had to be paid within 12 months, which it wasn\u2019t. Over the years, more balance transfers, on top of purchases, made the total credit card amount spiral out of control.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">So here they are now, trying to fix their finances.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">\u201cI\u2019m working overtime hours and penny-pinching the best I can,\u201d she wrote. \u201cMy focus is helping my family get to a better place in life, not keeping up with the Joneses.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Special occasions \u2014 birthdays, weddings, anniversaries and other gift-giving holidays \u2014 make it hard to stick to a debt payoff plan.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p><span class=\"font--article-body font-copy hide-for-print ma-0 pb-md db italic interstitial\"><a data-qa=\"interstitial-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/business\/2022\/11\/18\/holiday-shopping-guide-tips\/?itid=lk_interstitial_manual_22\">How to survive holiday shopping<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">\u201cSome people expect gifts,\u201d the mom wrote. \u201cI just don\u2019t want it to be too awkward when I hand them homemade cookies. I\u2019ve tried to lay the groundwork and tell them that we are saving money this year and not to expect too much, but of course, the expectation is there anyway. We tried this last year, and they were disappointed, and the discussion of our choice of present was frowned upon.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Since the couple was working on paying down the debt, I just focused on the question of what to say when you can\u2019t give the way you want.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">First, let\u2019s talk about what I suggested to do for their children, who were 7 and 20 months.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">For the baby, you don\u2019t need to buy anything, because he\u2019ll probably be excited about just opening boxes. When my kids were tiny tots, I looked around for games, toys and stuffed animals that they didn\u2019t play with and were buried at the bottom of their toy bins or stashed at the top of their closets. I wrapped up those items and put them under the tree.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Yes, I did that. (All grown now, my children still like to joke about it.) But, seriously, who remembers what they got at 2?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">For an older child, buy her just a few things \u2014 with cash. Pick one major thing she wants that isn\u2019t too expensive. I also suggested if they are having a family get-together, wait and open all the gifts at one time. This way, the kids get all their presents at once, which will help you feel less guilty for not giving them a lot of items.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">This brings me to the relatives. Own your financial truth.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p><span class=\"font--article-body font-copy hide-for-print ma-0 pb-md db italic interstitial\"><a data-qa=\"interstitial-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/business\/2022\/08\/02\/credit-card-debt-inflation\/?itid=lk_interstitial_manual_34\">Credit card debt surges as inflation pushes Americans to borrow more<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Be honest about the overwhelming debt. You don\u2019t have to share specifics, but let folks know you\u2019re trying to be financially responsible and, until further notice, you can\u2019t afford to exchange gifts. You may be surprised by how many friends and family members will feel relieved because they, too, are struggling.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">There is always the possibility that you\u2019ll get pushback. Ignore<b> <\/b>it.<b> <\/b>If you\u2019re carrying a lot of credit card debt, you can\u2019t afford to worry about other people feeling slighted if you didn\u2019t get them a sweater they won\u2019t like anyway.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p><span class=\"font--article-body font-copy hide-for-print ma-0 pb-md db italic interstitial\"><a data-qa=\"interstitial-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/business\/holiday-shoppers-skip-the-store-credit-cards\/2022\/11\/16\/2b41d6a2-65c0-11ed-b08c-3ce222607059_story.html?itid=lk_interstitial_manual_37\">Holiday shoppers, skip the store credit cards<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Your debt is your priority \u2014 not trying to please an adult acting like a child.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Don\u2019t let your emotions lead you to derail your commitment to living within your means and reducing your liabilities.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-body\" data-qa=\"article-body\">\n<p data-qa=\"drop-cap-letter\" data-el=\"text\" class=\"wpds-c-cYdRxM wpds-c-cYdRxM-iPJLV-css font-copy\">Whatever the celebration, give yourself the gift of financial stability by staying focused on paying down that debt. Besides, as I tell folks all the time, it should be about your presence, not your presents.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<section class=\"dn-ns hide-for-print\" data-testid=\"mostRead\" subscriptions-section=\"content\"\/><\/div>\n\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/news.google.com\/__i\/rss\/rd\/articles\/CBMiTWh0dHBzOi8vd3d3Lndhc2hpbmd0b25wb3N0LmNvbS9idXNpbmVzcy8yMDIyLzExLzIzL2RlYnQtZ2lmdC1naXZpbmctaG9saWRheXMv0gEA?oc=5\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Comment on this story Comment Michelle Singletary is taking time off for the holiday. In her absence, we are offering this updated column from her archive, which originally ran on Nov. 26, 2019. When you\u2019re in debt, the responsible thing to do is to ignore the pressure to give. Suppress, as best you can, the …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":42215,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[161],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42214"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42214"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42214\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/42215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.brandon.ddtest.info\/multisite-test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}